For my Ervin Legacy Project, I made a vlog capturing the end of college, showing my final classes, last days of work, and time with friends. I wanted to remind myself of my resilience; my ability to trust myself; the incredible communities, mentors, and support system I have; and all the ways I have grown and changed and learned and gained confidence over the past four years. I hope you enjoy!
Dear Freshman Amanda,
Welcome to your last week of college. Just like that, four years are gone – four years that felt slow at the time but went by entirely too fast. I know sometimes you didn’t picture yourself making it here, but I want to tell you – and show you – that you did!
You’ll finish up your classes this week. You’ve loved how your college courses helped you make sense of the world around you. For your Asian American food studies class, you’ll make mochi cookies for a potluck celebration, and you’ll present the zine you made about the inherently political nature of Asian American food and how it offers pathways for decolonization and interracial solidarity. You probably think about those terms way more than you ever thought you would – college has been fun like that! Your other last class is Asian American Race, Religion, and Law. It’s your favorite course of the semester and has given you much to think about in terms of the way law shapes race and religion, as well as Asian American strategies of religious assimilation and negotiation. You defended your senior thesis last month and this class helped you make sense of your research, as well as some future directions, if you decide to apply to graduate school and pursue academia – a path that isn’t even on your radar yet.
This week, you’ll have your last Mellon seminar. You do the annual thesis walk, visiting the places where the seniors submitted their theses. You’ll also have a celebration and meet the new cohort of Mellons at Dean Diallo’s house. You joined the program during your sophomore year and it turns out to be one of your favorite parts of college. Mellon, like Ervin, helps you find yourself and your purpose. You know you’re never the loudest or most confident person in the room, but you come to realize that you can still engage in activism and push for a better world in other ways – for instance, through research, education, and public history. You’ll also have your final Ervin senior seminar, where you learn about everything from baking to fashion, have a salsa dance lesson, and do your own life skills’ presentation about food allergies – something you know a little too much about, and you’ve had a few too many reactions in college.
You’ll spend a lot of this week working – you are finishing up your time in WashU’s Marketing & Communications department and recently started a job at another social impact/strategic communications firm. You have come to really enjoy feature writing because you get to hear and share people’s stories, just as Dean McLeod encouraged us to know everyone by “name and story.” You’ll finish up an article about the undergraduate commencement speaker for The Record, present your work to the Marketing & Communications staff, and say a bittersweet goodbye to your supervisor.
This week is full and chaotic and emotional, but you make sure you spend as much time with your friends as you can – you know that is what you will miss most about college. You’ll enjoy the Class of 2025 celebration at Ballpark Village. You’ll have dinner with MK and catch up with Riley and Hieran. You’ll go to the Sam Fox BFA capstone and get to celebrate your friend Max’s hard work. You’ll make it back to WashU Club Gymnastics practice for the first time in two years. You have gone sporadically throughout college and told yourself you would go one more time before college ended. Today is finally the day, and you are happy you can still tumble a bit! You’ll also go to pilates, just as you do every week with your friends from Tinikling. Your legs will burn but you all laugh together. You relish these moments and the growth they represent to you – you’ve learned how to “ESE” and to take care of your mental and physical health. Exercise is finally fun again, and you do it because it feels good, not because you feel the need to control anything. You know your body is the least interesting about you! The Tinkles group will head to Ibby’s for dinner – the freshmen treat us with their extra meal points – and you feel grateful for the family you’ve gained through LNYF.
This week, you’ll co-host a radio show with your friend Hannah. You’ll play songs and dissect their meaning since you both like to theorize things that don’t need to be theorized. She’ll tell you about her time at the Association for Asian American Studies conference, and you’ll tell her about your favorite Asian American Studies book, Dear Elia, which addresses mental health through the lens of unwellness, meritocracy, and model minoritization. As you tell her, the book spoke to you in so many ways, helping you unpack your own experiences with anxiety, depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder. These things made college hard – you won’t lie – but you know that you can do hard things. That trust in yourself has really taken root over the past four years.
The week will end with WILD. You and your friends celebrate the end of the semester – the end of college – and laugh-cry while listening to Flo Rida sing pop songs from your middle school days. It is a time full of nostalgia; it’s joyous and bittersweet at the same time. You go to Molly’s and dance with friends, and you stay up so late that you are delirious, but you know this time is precious.
Throughout the week, you will reminisce with your friends and think about how much you all have grown and changed. You moved across the country as a teenager, fresh out of COVID-19 isolation and trying to recover from an eating disorder. You found a community that makes you happier than you ever knew you could be. You have tried new things and pushed yourself outside your comfort zone. You are developing healthy habits, letting go of the need for control and certainty, and coming to enjoy the journey for what it is.
Your senior year self is excited for all that is coming your way. I hope you are proud of what you accomplished, but more importantly, of the person you are growing into and the ways you are coming to know yourself.
Love and hugs,
Senior Year Amanda
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